The Sound of Destiny...

Well, since my last post well over a year ago, things sure have changed. Some for the good, and some for the bad with some ugly mixed in. My last post was the torn between two loves post. Since then, one of those loves has eliminated themselves from the equation while making the other seem like the only choice I have. I did love a woman, I was deeply  in love with her. She was supposed to be my wife, and the mother of my children, and the guardess of my heart. The one who I would have went to work everyday for and busted my ass to make everything possible for me and her, and perhaps our children. Words can't describe how deeply in love with this woman I was. However, I was involved in a love triangle, unknowingly, for about a year. There was another person involved for her, and another place involved for me.
You see, i usually keep a stronghold on my heart as well as my person. I am a cancer, and naturally, I do have an extremely tough exterior, and claws to pinch anybody that gets close that I feel threatened by or uncomfortable around. But really, I just go about my business, try not to bother anybody while looking for a sweet body of water to chill by, and protect myself, while trying to fulfill the basic necessities and pleasures of life, like a companion and a child perhaps. I do however, have a vulnerable and soft underside, which is why its orientated to the ground and unexposed. I got on my back and allowed someone power over me, in hopes something beautiful would come out of it. Instead, I found myself with a little dagger in that soft vulnerable chest I knew I should not have exposed to fully.
Frankly, there were times I felt like it was something I could not handle, not get over, especially working and going to school and readjusting to a life and lifestyle that had become alien to me. I was so used to just being in love and watching movies, and cooking, and all that bullshit. When you get thrown back out into the alley after so long, you get kind of shocked. I will be the first to admit, I was no angel, sure, but I never intentionally went out of my way to hurt anyone. Anyhow, the more i talk about this the more i get irritated so long story short, I allowed this triangle to go on for almost a year.
That time is now up. I aint doing it no more cuz that aint love. that type of love involves two people, in my view, no more, no less. it evolved into that love we all so desire in life, just to that simple kind of love, like loving music, or loving friends.
I took a stand and made a choice. I booked a ticket back to the other love i know, and that is traveling, especially to Malaga. Back to the old castles overlooking the mediteranean, with flamenco playing, and roman theaters to visit from millenniums past, and a relaxed culture where im not rushing everywhere and everything and where life isn't consumed by dollars or euros and happiness dependent on them. From there, travel to other places that really interest me or that I have some sort of connection to is way easier and cheaper. The winds of destiny have blown me off my feet and given me no choice. They say go with what you love, and so that is what I am doing.
My flight leaves for Malaga from JFK new york on April 30th. This month is huge for me. On April 27th, I graduate college. I will have made footsteps in that regard to where none have been made before in my family. I didnt even think I would finish college when I first started. But here I am, about to graduate with a degree in international business. I still can't believe it myself, considering where I was in life not long ago. Now hopefully people that have been through some tough times can see that college is not an impossibility and try to improve themselves and their situations. On April 28th, the day after, will be the 12th year exactly that my mom has been with god. She died April 28th, 2001, when I was 13. She was my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister, my aunt, my uncle, my cousin, my teacher, my best friend, everything. And if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be who or where I am today. It will be beautiful to honor her memory with my degree the day before.
2 days later I will be embarking on a journey that to be honest, i don't know how will end. I do know that I am going all in in this hand, because I know that in order to win big, you have to take big risks. I am either going to double up, or double down, but atleast I will always have my degree to fall back on. You miss 100% of the shots you never take. I am going to do the Camino de Santiago in late May, god willing, if I get enough money for graduation presents to make it to St Jean Pied de Port France from Malaga, Spain. If not, I will probably do the Camino Mozarabe. I will offer my services to anybody willing to accept them and compensate me with either shelter or food in the event that I run out of money. But I will be happy, and ultimately, that is what matters. I hope to find a life out there. I want to be born an american, but die a spaniard. I want my kids to go to La Masia in Barcelona and be great kids. I want to work in some capacity for a spanish futbol club or anything really.
My next big dream is to revolutionize the travel industry to make travel a possibility for everybody. The more people travel to other parts of the world, the less likely they are to say screw those people, bomb em. or shit like that. We cant judge every single north korean for what kim jung un is doing. One of the most inspirational and incredible stories I have heard is a person from north korea who escaped a prison whom he had come to know as home. It would make it far harder to say screw it, lets blow them off the face of the earth, if you had actually been there and lived amongst them. travel can be a big tool for world peace I believe. Maybe thats why some governments restrict travel outside of their borders or even so much as watching marketing materials from other countries, because they do not want people to know what other people are really like, but rather feed them hate and make them think they or we are all the same. But that will come far later in life, but hopefully i connect with the right people to make this happen. its definitely doable.
Anyhow, this post is getting long and I am sure you are getting bored. Wish me luck on my journey and let me know what you think. you can always find me on facebook under brian albo bettini. I hope you enjoy my writings, pictures and videos from the journey I am soon to embark on. Well, really, it has been a journey since July 5th, 1987. You will get to enjoy the better, more interesting parts hopefully. I am 2 weeks away from boarding that plane in New York, and dont know how to feel. I cant even focus on my graduation, which I should be. I almost feel like I have to run away from here, like I am being kicked out of my own hometown. But home is where the heart is, and if there is one thing I know, my heart is not here. Its out there in the world somewhere.
Everything happens for a reason, good and bad. I realize now that I have been through all the pain and bullshit so that I can see this unfold. It would not be possible for me to write this, and perhaps inspire someone, if I stayed with my x. I would not be able to leave and embark on a journey. Although that was what I had really wanted, a wife a kid and that "american dream" life, its not what I have 25 years later and i am not happy pursuing that dream for the time being anymore. My new dream is to see everything, and change lives now, and open eyes for future generations, or existing ones whom are still wrapped in chains.
I also have been working on a mural for a hispanic resource center I work for on my campus. Ill post pics later. but my mind has been overloaded, and of course, im sick now too. I have a lot going on these next few weeks, but ultimately, god will guide me in the direction I need to go with guidance from my guardian angel in heaven (mom) as well as the angels here on earth whos paths i will cross, and have crossed before. He has never let me down before, he got me to places I never even dreamed of and helped me accomplish things I never thought possible. And now, I will do this Camino for him and hopefully, along the way, he will guide me to my destiny for the rest of life. The sound of flamenco music will carry me through like winds carrying leaves throughout the world... Buen Camino en la vida a vosotros...

next destiny...