Un Milagro- A Miracle

This was a prayer I wrote when I was staying at my uncles place on the floor at End o Days motel. I was at a rock bottom point and felt there was no other way to go but up. I was definitely down on my luck and just about everything else and was sick and tired of the life I had been living. This was written on December 10, 2008. After I wrote it, a week or so later, I got a call from the dean of FLC congratulating me and letting me know I had been accepted. It was a miracle, literally. Since I have written this prayer, I have graduated college with a 3.14 gpa (way better than my high school gpa at graduation) with a bachelor of arts degree in business administration with the international business option. I went to school at the Universidad de Malaga in Malaga Andalucia Spain. I returned there recently last month after graduation for a month long vacation. I saw many parts of Europe and major cities like Madrid, Barcelona, Paris, Rome and even Morocco Africa. I have met so many amazing people in the time since this poem from my own town here in Durango and all across the globe. I like to think this prayer changed my life, and I authored it. Anyway, here it is:

My Prayer      

Dear lord, I know no other entity I love or fear more. 

i pay attention to no other words, I only hear yours. 

Give me strength to heard lamb and steer boars.

Thank you for everything, I feel your love pour. 

It is a hard world to live in, but you give me the strength to never give in. 

You gave me all I don't deserve, even though I keep sinning

Your love keeps the world spinning. I know one day, that will cease.

The world is finding it harder to keep the peace. We will all be divided like

2 sides of a paper with a crease. I know I am living my life because you granted me a lease.

I am grateful for the life you gave me. No matter how hard life gets, you'll be there to save me. 

I will walk any road you decide to pave me. I have no wordly wealth or value. Its a twisted place down here

Satan is trying to sell you. Pay close attention to what people tell you or get a free trip to hell too. 

But I aint going to be the one that fell to. To the world I'm dirt, and to you, I am gold. 

If I was that to the world, I would be sold. But i'm here, useful as slimy mold. The nights are cold.

Lucifers knights, just as bold, trying profusely to claim my soul. 

But too late, it belongs to the lord of lords. He protects me with the mightiest of swords. 

His angels play beautiful melodies on strings and chords. That makes me happy, not owning 

cadillacs and fords. 

When it rains, it pours, and i hear my god when he roars. Whether I wind up behind a desk, 

or forever cleaning floors, lord, I am grateful and forever yours. 

Amen

By: Brian L. Albo

December 10, 2008

How incredible to look back at this, and the time in my life I was at, and the time since. If you knew me before my college days, you would understand how dramatic of a change this was for me personally, spiritually and overall. I will have to write a new one soon, I used to really love to write poetry, and draw and all that, but I lost touch with time and work and school. Maybe this can serve as an inspiration to anyone down in the pits, and know that I was there, at the lowest of lows, and now I sit here at my highest of highs so far, and hope to continue the climb out of the depths to the top to see everything from a beautiful view...

3rd time will be the charm I guess

Well, it is with great regret that I have to return to the United States. It has been very difficult trying to find people to charge for private English lessons and I have not checked with any of the academies or universities around to see if they could pay for an extra hand. The crisis in Spain really limits the options because people and institutions don't have the extra funds available to pay for those services. My own personal financial situation has also gone to crap. I have 200 euro left to last me a week and a half until my flight leaves, and where I stay is 20 euro a night, so there goes that money.
I was hoping one of my "friends" would come through for a car I sold back. I paid around 5000 of the 6500 I owed for the car, and have only gotten 200 back. I was promised far more, which I was REALLY REALLY depending on for my trip out here so I could to the Camino and travel a little more. Its what I get I guess. I should have been smarter and stayed in the US and paid the thing off over the summer, and then sold it my dam self and used that money for the trip. But no I was in a hurry and impatient and just wanted to escape for a little while and also trusted that this dude would come through for me. After all we supposedly viewed eachother as "brothers" but brothers dont pull that shit, especially when you need them the most. The trip has been good, but will end far sooner than it should have because of this. I really would have liked to have stayed longer, but it is no longer financially possible for me. I was waiting on 1700 and got 200.
Although it wasn't the official Camino de Santiago, I feel like i have learned a lot of things about myself and the world around me in this trip. I am a learner, so I like to sit back and view things from an outside perspective at times rather than be in the middle of the fun. My wants and needs are now more clearly defined and I feel like this second time around in Spain, I know what I want in life and what I need to do. I really really wish that money would have came through, it is such a huge let down to me. I haven't been  let down like that since I trusted somebody with my heart and they flushed it down the toilet. Its life though I guess, the world in which we live today. I can't let it defeat me, or make me angry or whatever. I have to keep on.
I feel like if I had the chance to do the Camino, it would have been a personal and spiritual experience like none other. I am reading a book called walk in a relaxed manner, about the Camino, and every chapter I read makes me want to do it more and more. At times, I just want to start from here in Malaga and connect to the Mozarabe route with the little money I might have and see where it lands me, but I know that I can not entrust my life to the wild like that, and I would surely die eventually. The other night, I truly contemplated this. I could give my life to god, while passing in Spain, which is ultimately where I want to. I need to be smart and patient because I will eventually do it the next time I come. This surely is not the last Spain has seen of me, if I can make it back for a second time, surely I can for a 3rd, and that time will be the charm. I will not come as unprepared as I did this time, and I will not come here to reward myself for a college graduation dream realized and also running away from my love lifes terrible ending. It was a great experience for me and I learned a lot. I have no cell phone that functions, it is really only me out here and the new friends I make, but about 90% of the time, Im just alone out in this little world of mine and it leaves a lot of time to think and plan.
All I know is i need to get back home and get my butt to work. Its why I got a degree in international business. Although I do enjoy the relaxed Spanish lifestyle, I have a constant drive to accomplish something every day, every week every month. Although the things I have learned can be somewhat considered small victories, there is not much of a measure of them. I need to now get a good job, one in which i can utilize my degree and experience abroad. That will be the next accomplishment, and from there, the first pay check, and from there the promotion etc. As an American, I am always striving for more and more. If my life were a line graph, at the beginning it would start in the negative quadrants, go up and down like the stock market but more down than up through my adolescent years, and the last 5 or 6 years would be a steady upward trend. Right now I feel like Ive hit a plateau, even though it has only been 2 weeks since I graduated. I really need to grasp that concept and enjoy the time that I do have free. Its just the money situation really kind of ruined this trip. I used the 1000 I had for graduation and its nearly all gone, and I had to borrow money to pay for a plane ticket back, so now Im really in the hole.
Anyhow, I am very sorry, I wish you knew how bad I would have liked to have completed the journey as planned, but as life usually does, some curve balls have been thrown here and there that I was unable to knock out of the park, and I struck out this inning. I will never take a trip like this again without proper planning, proper funding (money in my hands, not money someone says they will get me eventually), and more people available to help me. I have great friends from here in Malaga who are abroad in other parts of Europe who have tried to help me, but can only do so much not being here.
This trip has been amazing, and I still have a week and a half left, so maybe the lord will work something out for me. But regardless, thy will be done, and whatever his will is, I will be happy with. He has blessed me with a life I never knew I could have. My faith and trust in him have gotten me across the ocean and back, and considering what and who I come from, that is a feat in itself. I dont come from  a rich, educated family, by no stretch of the imagination. I also am not rich, but I was blessed with a good education, because I wanted it bad enough and have always been eager to learn. I have used the resources available to me to the best of my advantage while learning all I can along the way and to me, that is the trick of life. I am only 25, soon to be 26 in July, so I am still relatively young and unlimited possibilities still exist in this world. If I continue to learn, grow and have faith in myself and god, great things will continue to happen. St. James the greater, the apostle and patron saint of Spain, I apologize I was unable to do the route to go see you and the your cathedral in Santiago de Compostela, but I make a promise today, that when I really truly can financially, I will make it happen. And I know that our creator will eventually make the means for that to happen possible.

Destino

I have been in Malaga, Spain for nearly a week come Wednesday. It seems almost as I never left from when I went to school here in 2011. I jumped right back into things, no culture shock, no being lost or anything. the only difference this time around is all my friends from my study abroad group are not here, and all the Spanish friends I had made are all gone to pursue opportunities in other parts of Europe. My return could not have started any better as I was able to take a boat ride on the mediterranean sea, first thing. It was nice to get out on the sea and relax and have a few cruz campos. i also got to take a picture with the captain and use a captains hat, something I had always wanted to do coming from the mountains of colorado. Later that night, a friend I met online, offered to meet at the beach for some sangria. It was amazing meeting for the first time in person and engaging in conversation about culture, and politics, and education, and future and things of that nature. I try to learn everywhere I go, and through everyone I meet, and I did so with her. I am blessed to have met her and made a friend in another part of the world and hope to one day visit in the country of Latvia.
The days have already begun to blur together. But I do remember turning into a beach bum and re acclimating to all the beautiful sights the city has to offer. I visited the old roman ruins beneath the alcazaba, an old moorish castle, and gathered my thoughts for a little and peered into the past. The hostel I was staying at seemed quite chaotic, but fun for those who prefer that lifestyle. I was hardly there, as I had already knew what I wanted to do and see. I know one of the nights I became a little agitated because I woke up to the sound of a few people having sex a few feet away from me and not really trying to be quiet or nothing. So I threw on my headphones and fell asleep. I repeatedly tried to get to my host moms place when she was there and missed her a few times but did make it eventually and it was so amazing to meet with her again. She was very pleasantly surprised. I was roughly 200 pounds last time I was here and now I hover around 170. I distinctly remember her remembering me as a little bit "gordito" last time I was here. I had a drink with her and her 2 grandkids a night later and i remember her getting on one of them about eating chips or anything, because he was already a little gordito according to her. It bothers her when her kids, grandkids are unhealthy because she wants them to be active and "deportivos". I totally understand, and can attest as to why. life for me was quite different when I was bigger. I definitely noticed the difference when I made my return to the top of the Gibralfaro, an old moorish castle that sits atop the city overlooking the sea and city. It was honestly quite a challenge for me and I remember sweating so much and breathing so hard when my friends and I would go to the top, which we did nearly every night before we left last time. This time now that I did it, it was a piece of cake. You have to really climb, literally, to the top because the path is very windy and steep and you literally walk at an angle going up or coming down. It is well worth it when you get to the top. This is what you are rewarded with when you get up there, not hard to be a photographer here:

Another thing I did when I got to the top was go inside of the castle, for a couple euro. It was quite amazing. They had a little replica model of the castle, and the alcazaba on the hill as well as military uniforms of the Spanish as they changed throughout time. Having some spanish ancestry, from before the conquistadors came, it was a cool experience for me. I then walked all around the castle on the inside and along the edges. I can see why the moors built this place, its breath taking. I thought about all the people when it was flourishing who used to be here and raise families and have gatherings and what not. It was probably such a grand place back then. Superior location also because you could see anyone coming from very far away, on the ocean or down below. I can see why they built the path up there the way they did; if an enemy army was coming from the bottom trying to march up, all youd have to do is roll a giant boulder down and wipe em out. I saw what appeared to be archers posts and things of that nature in different corners.
I also found a gem on top of the AC hotel here. There was some flamenco/modeling thing going on down below when I went. It provided another amazing view of the city and the sea from up top and you can also enjoy the restaurant at the top and have a beer or wine or what have you. Its now one of my favorite spots. Sunday marked my last day in the hostel, because I only wanted to stay 5 days and see what other option were available after that. God works in mysterious ways, because as I was talking with my host mom, she said she was only going to have one student for the month at her house, and if I wanted to stay with her, I could and she would cook and do laundry and all that, like old times. Another way of god proving to me he exists, because the chances of the timing of that to be so perfect are impossible to comprehend. Her 2 students that were here left sunday, the last day I was in my hostel. She said she would do it for 20 euro a day, which is expensive for me, but I wanted to help her because she would only have 1 student for the month, and she could help me also save money for not eating in the streets while providing with an unmatched comfort level no one else here could. She is an angel, and to me is family. This solidifies that, and she considers me family also. Its amazing. I am so blessed. On saturday, I saw a poster for a bullfight in Marbella on Sunday. I HAD to go, its been a dream to watch a bullfight and was unable to last time because the season was long over. I had already knew how to get a bus to some of the other coastal towns along Andalucias coast. So Sunday, I packed all my stuff at the hostel, left my discoteca shoes because they would not fit, and because I had to buy another pair of walking shoes anyway. They left my feet with blisters and because I walk everywhere, were quite uncomfortable. I used them Saturday to get into a club I wanted to always go in but was denied last time because of my sneakers, and did so, so I just left them. One of the nights, I decided to buy some sangria and head to the beach rather than go back to my hostel or downtown, since I had some wine glasses a great friend generously donated me a few nights before. I was going to sit there are reflect and appreciate where I was in life, and I was approached by a gentleman. He simply asked for a lighter, and I had bought some cuban cigaritos I fell in love with last time I was here and had one. That turned into a couple hour conversation about educational systems, music, culture, traveling, learning and just a dam good conversation to have with anyone. He was a student from Germany who was kind of just out here floating around Andalucia, as was I. Just another one of those weird coincidences and instances where you meet great people through either a higher power, or the energy of the universe or what have you. I felt like I had made a friend in that short time, and asked me if I had been to Morocco before. I had been to fes the last time i was here with 2 friends and it was an enlightening experience to say the least. He had never been but really wanted to go and hoped to find someone to go with. I currently dont have the funds to do so, but if something becomes available, I would love to go back to Morocco a 2nd time. Again, it was someone I learned some things from simply from conversation. You can never learn too much, the brain is a sponge, and should always embrace education on any level. As a sponge gains water, it expands, so too does the brain. And then you spend a week keeping up with the kardashians while having dominos or mickey ds and all that water is squeezed out and released and it dries up. Not my desire. It is as essential to constantly exercise the brain, as it is the body. They are both one, part of the same system. I probably exerciser my brain a little more than my body, but hopefully that is starting to change, well it is with all the walking I do, but will begin running tomorrow if my legs feel better.
Sunday marked dia de la madre here in Spain. As soon as I left, there was a festival going on in the plaza nearby and flamenco guitars playing with dancers, it was amazing. I really truly enjoy experiencing culture in all of its facets and it was another opportunity. However, it was already around noon and I knew I still had to get to my host moms to drop stuff off, wish her a happy day, and get to Marbella by 5ish. I got to her house and gave her a rosary I had brought with me that I bought at the notre dame cathedral from my travels in paris. She was very happy. So I then proceeded to the bus station and got to Marbella about 3. I had no idea where exactly I was but i looked at a map briefly and knew the town wasnt too terribly big. So from the bus station, I could see the sea and walked toward it and wound up at a beautiful beach area. I hung out at the beach for about an hour or so and then took a taxi to the bullring and got there with an hour to spare.
The bullfight was an experience of a lifetime. With my spanish ancestry, I had always always wanted to see one. It definitely didn't disappoint. Being an american, I certainly have a heart for all animals and beings in the world, so the part where the bull is killed was a little rough, but when you realize that it is culture and precedes you, you live. I saw 4 bulls go down, but the grace with which the bullfighters played with them was special. a huge 1000 pound animal with horns charging at these men and they just step to the side with their capes and just dance with them and play with them. One bull was certainly hard to watch die, because of the amount of blood that began spewing from his mouth and nose, but I did. I know its banned in the Catalonia region of Spain, and I dont think they can kill them in the Basque country, but I can see why. It definitely isnt a sport for the faint at heart. I did it though, I got to see a bullfight for once, and it represented another dream turned reality. Ill never forget that experience as long as I live. After that, I thought I was cool and smart enough to just walk to the bus station from the bullring, allthough I had never been in this city before. Boy was I wrong. I wound up god knows where and almost walked out of marbella. So I had to turn around and only had an hour and a half to make it back to the station or id miss a bus i already paid for. I panicked a little but made it back to an area i was familiar with from earlier in the day near the beach and caught a taxi and made it just in time.
So today was a day where I wanted to chill out and not spend money that I really dont have and do something productive. I spent money to get an adaptor to use my laptop, so that I could get my resume finalized and begin looking for work in the US and perhaps here on craigslist and at my old college back home. I have also been collaborating with one of my spanish friends who is currently in denmark to network and meet more people, as well as figure out ways to market myself and help people with test preparations in english. I will work more on that tomorrow. I also got my linkedin profile updated and my resume should be done by tomorrow so I can start sending it out. We will see what god has in store. I am also waiting on some money from family back home and a friend so hopefully I can do the camino in a few weeks. I am not so sure that I will be able to do it financially at this point, because it largely depends on the funding I get from back home. But already, this has been a Camino in itself. My camino began the morning I graduated college I realize. God will understand if i cant do it this time around but also knows that I will make it happen another time because the world we live in requires money to do everything. I have ran into several unexpected expenses, but god willing family and friends will come through and I can atleast do it from Sarria while I am here. Or I will find a job helping with English or something that will allow to stay and save money for it. As i was reading a book called walk in a relaxed manner the other day on the beach, I had some epiphanies. The night before I had gotten pretty sad, realizing I was on the other side of the world by myself, and wanted more than i had in life, like a wife and kids. I became a little depressed, but when I read the chapter I was on, that all went away. The chapter was about cherishing the here and now, the present. We get so caught up in the future or the past, we fail to really appreciate what we have now, and thats what the chapter was all about. It made me look at everything differently. So I will appreciate what I have now and do what I can now, rather than think too much about the future or past and what I dont have. Because what I do have, is a good head on my shoulders, Im healthy as Ive been since high school, and my ambition mixed with my faith in god and the little angels he sends my way to help will get me by, it always has. I have never really had to worry when I look back on things. I am not rich by no means financially, nor is my family. We are quite poor actually. But I am rich in other aspects of life, and am getting richer with experience out here in the world on my own. Tomorrow I will get back to work in trying to make things happen, and likely take a break at the beach as I just rested at home today. My calfs are sore and swollen from all the walking all over I have been doing so I wanted to just take it easy today and use my computer to get some things done and I did. I also took about a 5 hour long siesta after I had some of my host moms pasta that I loved so much from the last time. Bueno, thank you for reading this. I was going to say, no matter who you are, you can add me on facebook so that you can see all the pictures and videos I have been taking. It is a nice visual representation of my journey so far. It is hard maintaining this blog, a facebook, an instagram, a linkedin account and a couple emails. So I likely wont post blogs as much, perhaps once a week or so but we can certainly be friends on facebook and you can see all the pics videos and albums. You are more than welcome to, stranger or whatever. My name is Brian albo Bettini on facebook, dont be afraid! I broke the 700 mark for people that have read my blog, which is extraordinary because when I reopened it recently after a year of inactivity, it was at around 200 i think. So thank you, your readership is greatly appreciated, and I hope to return the favor with more travels and journeys for your enjoyment and perhaps enlightenment. God will guide me wherever I go as he always has, and he will for you too if you believe in him, in yourself, and the goodness of the world. Buen Camino to you all, and until next time, take care.

the captain, and another sailor. Buen Camino!

You can't stop fate, no matter what...

bachelor of arts in international business, with a mural i did also. 

This song by Jesse Cook holds a significance for me. When I was leaving Spain, I got on a bus from Malaga to Madrid late at night. Everyone was gone by that point, and it was just me in Malaga, all alone again to reflect a few days after everyone else left and spend Christmas there. But I remember this song playing on my ipad when I left the bus station in Malaga. I cried because I wasnt sure if I wanted to leave or what. i didnt know how to feel but this song sure helped me express it. Now that I was on a plane above Minnesota, the song came on again. I realized that I dont know how to feel again, now that I am departing my hometown, my homestate and my home country. I feel like its an out of body experience, like all this has just been setup and now I have to do it. Its like god books the tickets and gets me here and there, and i dont even realize it until after, or til im alone with too much time. I really dont know how to feel, i dont know what will happen. When i left spain, i knew i had a beautiful girl to go back to, a house, i knew I could go back and finish school. Now its like, what am I doing? This song really helps express how I feel right now.
Well, I wish I had time to have enjoyed and soaked up my weekend. Things have been so chaotic, but for a beautiful reason, these past few days. I graduated on Saturday with a bachelor of arts in international business, first in my family. I received so much amazing and wonderful feedback from people I have known forever or haven't even known, but were inspired by my journeys. Saturday flew so fast, I was up at 5 am, for 24 hours straight til the next day Sunday. The ceremony was beautiful and very inspiring to me and I feel like I soaked up some good things from the guest speakers and such. The best thing about Saturday, was a new plateau was reached, a new rung at the top of the ladder made. Now people can reach higher, and know that anybody, even a kid born with not much, who went through hell as a teen and almost lost himself can do whatever the hell they want with a good combination of faith in self, in god, and in the world. I have been so blessed beyond so many levels. After the ceremony, I made it a point to hang out with everybody that I loved and everyone that loved me. So many extraordinary people have been involved to help me reach the little level of success that I have. But to me, the journey has just begun. Although graduating was certainly hard, its not the hardest part. Its applying all that knowledge.Saturday was a blur of success, achievement and good times with family and friends for all to enjoy.
Sunday was a day of reflection and a day of gathering for me. April 28,2001 was when my mom died, I was 13. I shouldn't explain my profound connection with my mom that was abruptly taken so fast, but it was certainly an emotional day for me all around. I tried running around and getting everything situated while trying to spend the last few moments with those who I cherish in my life so closely and dearly. By the time it was 4 or 5, I was getting frustrated because I had not made it to the cemetery to see my mom one more time. I didn't even wake up until about 11 and I knew I was leaving early Monday morning so my time had already been bleeding away so fast. I felt like I was running out of time, like I didn't feel everything I wanted to feel. Like I didnt say bye and thanks to everyone. There was so much more I wanted to do, and I know other people wanted to do things with me like dinner and things. Time ran out. I did however make time with my best friends, my brothers, my sister and the little fam i had. what matters the most to me, is i provided my family with hope and inspiration. I got them together for a good cause finally, rather than a funeral, or to drink or anything like that. Through all the hate, through all the past, through all the grudges and all the bullshit, my little family pulled it together this weekend for me and i cant tell you the profound effect it had on me to be able to make people proud. I did make it to the cemetery and it was definitely hard. I wanted to cry, but I knew she would want me to be strong, and determined. I took a few pics and me and my brothers left. I spent a little while longer with them, as the sand in the top half of the glass disappeared on me.
I didn't have enough time for anything pretty much and now I feel like I rushed myself too much. Im sitting here at JFK airport in NY all alone and my flight doesn't leave til 5 tomorrow. I don't know. I missed my original flight in albuquerque and had to rebook, so right away, I almost wanted to say screw it. I had a car, a house, was just getting closer to my fam n friends, a bachelors degree now, and a great little town to live in. But no, I let my emotions get in the way and i forced myself out quicker than I would have liked.
God, however, has a funny way of making his presence felt in your life if you pay attention. Today, my first flight to St Paul, I think I crossed paths with one of those angels you coincidentally run into in life. I was sitting there reading my book about the camino de santiago, and a humble man asked me if I was doing it. So we got into a great conversation, and he informed me of his travels pretty much throughout all of Spain and some of the wonderful experiences he had. He wrestled a bull by the horns, literally, in the Basque country. took life by the horns, and had some fun doing it. He said he really desired to do the camino and I truly encouraged him. we even started speaking some of that European dialect of Castillano, which i need to get used to again. I gave him my blogger address and do hope he keeps up and perhaps maybe keep in touch. It is truly a pleasure to cross paths with great people like that, I even got his card, it was another example of god crossing paths for people. I am not even in Spain yet and made a connection.
On another note, it is 2 am here on the east. I am chilling here at JFK airport, by myself. I got to tell you, I am going to have to be strong. This trip is already different than my first trip to Europe. I know I am not alone and the world is there to help me, but its so hard to just wander across the planet by yourself. Especially with all the crap on my mind, from mistakes ive made that led to me not being married right now like i should be and want to be, like my future, like what im gonna do when I get there. I just knew that I wanted to run away from Durango, to get away. I scheduled it so that I would graduate on the 27th, my moms 12th year being gone was the 28th, and then I thought Id be ready to just leave the day after, now the 29th. Well, while i was up in the clouds all day, I sure had some time to think. I don't have a job, I have 800 bucks to last me til whenever and a flight back is 500. so that math there will let ya know. But I think if I really wanted to come back sooner than I anticipated, my family and friends perhaps could help me make that happen. Its no easy task just venturing off out into the world by yourself. But its a choice I made and now im on the other side of the country, waiting to fly across this ocean, to another country tomorrow. For all the preaching I do to people to be patient and plan everything and not make decisions based off negative emotions, I sure have been a hypocrite on this occasion. Reading this novel I have about the camino makes me just want to go do the camino and then maybe go back home to find a job. What I will do for sure is apply online for what I can while in Malaga and just take some time up there to relax and clear my head and thoughts and really figure out what I want to do in life. This is it now, its no joke. So I will apply for an advisor position at FLC and hope I get it. If not, maybe god will help me run into more people along this journey that can help with that aspect. I haven't even left the country yet and I feel homesick. Oh well, I have to be strong and fulfill this destiny. change is never easy, i dont care how big and bad one might think he is.
I will do the camino, that is for sure. How much of it, I am not currently sure. If funds allow me to, id like to do the whole thing from st jean pied de port, but I dont want any fellow pilgrims having to help me out with food or shelter or anything like that. So I will figure it out when i get to Malaga. I can always start in Pamplona or Sarria and get my Pilgrim passport. Its up to god, I hope he gives me the strength and determination to not be swayed by anything. not depression, not anger, not homesickness, nothing. I need to be strong because I am now an example for others that may want to keep up with my story.
Well, hopefully I can go check out new york for a min tomorrow if the taxi isn't too expensive or I can find a cheap shuttle downtown and back to JFK. maybe that will ease up my mind a little. I can't tell you how many times it felt like i had an apple in my throat these last few days, holding back from just balling hard. There is so much happiness, and sadness, and accomplishment, and depression, and loneliness, and aliveness and inspiration and other things that have just fell upon me so hard these last few days.
Oh well, regardless, I am going to get my pilgrims passport and have a little fun. May god guide me in the right direction, may st michael the archangel protect me from the evil here on earth, and may I be smart and determined and strong enough to make it through. wish me luck guys, I am doing this for a purpose beyond myself now. I hope you enjoyed this post, and I will post another once I get to Malaga. I have to get some sleep on this awesome cold granite floor in this massive empty and eerily quiet place. and be ready for the chaos soon to come in a few hours. I appreciate you reading this. I hope to provide you with a live story that you can follow. There is some drama, some suspense, and perhaps even a love story in there as I travel into the great unknown. Perfect recipe for your typical movie or book. But this is 100% real, realtime. Wish me luck people, take care and until next time, buen camino a vosotros and god be with you. goodnight.

So Close

Well, I am about an hour away from rehearsing for graduation. It is a unique feeling to say the least. I have been through alot to get to the point at which I am at now in my life. I am extremely grateful that I have a 2nd chance to graduate, from a higher education institution. I will now have a GED, that I got for fun, a high school diploma, and a bachelors degree in international business. Its truly a blessing a great feeling and I am very thankful that I am able to have a good head with a reasonably functioning brain on my shoulders. I have learned more than I had imagined 4.5 years ago. I was a lowpoint in life around that time and had to figure something out to get it together.
I need to focus more on the present more so now than ever. At times it seems very difficult for me and I find myself not enjoying the present while thinking too much about the future. i took a strengths test at work and and my biggest strength was strategy. Its a skill you cant teach apparently and I see that I do tend to eliminate time wasting and roads that will take too long and try to choose the best solution. I can formulate great plans of action and implement them and put in as much work as I need to in order make it happen. the mural I completed is a great example. I didn't really know how to do it, I just came up with what I thought would be the most efficient easiest ways of getting it all together. From getting it off a piece of paper, onto a projector, and actually onto the wall and painted was quite a process. Even arranging the images was probably the biggest challenge. I didn't know what was going to be on the mural, but I was asked to do it and figured it out from there and it turned out pretty good. But its strange because immediately following the success of another strategy, to graduate college regardless of what happens in my personal life, I will embark on a journey into the unknown. I am putting myself in a situation that I havent planned enough for, and don't even know if I will have the resources to make it happen. At this point I have 300 bucks to take with me to Spain and atleast 50 will go to gas in albuquerque, which is a significant portion of my funds. But I know another man, who lives in Barcelona, and treated me to a free, yes FREE, FC Barcelona game and a 2 bedroom apartment while there for the weekend. He was in my same situation awhile ago and went to spain with 300 also. He is now married with a child and has a great job over there and is living the dream, and is a great enough person to pass along his success to help me make a dream come true, and also let me never forget that I too need to share my success and riches once I may possibly attain them. I have a faith in god, faith in myself, and faith in the world that it will work out.
Another twist on the story is I have a good friend I made this year while in school. He is from Spain and is an exchange student. He ironically desires to move here to the US, graduate, and work and live here and live that American dream. I am doing the exact opposite, I am sacrificing what I know could be a career I could start right away here in the U.S., to go hard time it in Spain in search of one of the only dreams I have left, which is love and family. I think its crazy when I think about it. I am also going out there to refind myself and who I am because over the course of the last year, my personal life has really made me question that at times. I had lost faith in myself, faith in my god, and faith in the angels that have helped me along this journey. But I am more determined than every, especially after the dream of graduation is realized tomorrow, to make my faith in god, myself and the world stronger than ever. And I hope with that I am able to pass along positive and great things along to the rest of the world in whatever capacities I can.
In the early 1900s, there was an earthquake near Messina, Sicily that nearly destroyed the whole town. I learned this from a sicilian man in a hostel I stayed with in Rome a little over a year ago. I told him my fathers family was from Messina, and when he told me that story, I think a light bulb went off and made me think perhaps thats why he came over here to America. Antonio Tony Bettini, came here in the early 1900s, with god knows what. I dont know much of the story, I wish I did, but here he came to a whole new country and land and Im sure he spoke sicilian and very little english. He didn't know what he was getting into, but it turned out pretty great I assume. He had some kids and grandkids and lived a good life here in Colorado and Orange California from what I know. The same story can be said of my Albi/Albo side. My great great grandpa, Francesco Albi came from Calabria, Italy supposedly, an area near the same place my bettini side came from. Same story, in search of something new, not knowing exactly what might become of it. When the Spanish came centuries ago, I am sure they had mixed feelings about leaving their land, their homes to come and live a new life, in a new unknown land that nobody had known. I feel the same way, going back to where they came from though, I am doing the opposite of them, or completing a circle in a sense. I have that same expolorer spirit that they had when they came here. The world is all developed and everything has been found. So there is no new land to discover, only new plateaus in our minds to reach, and that is what I am doing. A new plateau will be reached in the morning and I invite you all to join at fort lewis collge at 830 am. If you are unable to, you can watch it online at www.fortlewis.edu/grad-stream                      I hope you are able to watch, and enjoy the experience i wish to share with anybody. Thank you for reading this and I will likely post one last time for a few days. I want to thank everybody who has provided me with feedback, especially my family and friends, on graduating. I do truly wish my mother was able to be there tomorrow, she is ultimately who I fought so hard to make proud. But she will be smiling down from heaven, and guide me through this new journey. I often feel like there is no one there to really be proud, genuinely, and see what I have done considering what I have been through. I really dont talk to anyone, and I would love to talk to everyone. There is nobody I would never talk to. But the ones who took time to congratulate me and tell me how proud they are, and how proud my mom would be, thank you so much. And to the people who I met along this journey, thank you. If we only briefly made eye contact, and said something there without a word, or if Ive known you for all years in collgee or throughout my life or your my blood or we dont even know eachother and have never met, but you care enough to read this, thank you!!!! I am bursting with positive energy and I feel so blessed. Everybody who crosses my path I will remember, and I do hope to keep in contact with anybody and everybody who wants to. From my teachers, to my professors, to co workers, aquaintances, friends, family, coaches from ROP, old probation officers, americans, coloradans, durangatangs, spaniards, italians, french, swedish, argentine, columbian, mexican venezuelan, Moroccan, Swiss, and just everybody, everybody, I truly thank you. I take off on another journey on Monday, when I fly to New York, and then to Spain the following day. Those winds that were calling me from Andalucia since I left have prevailed. To them, I submit myself, regardless if I fail or not. The worst that can happen, is I have to come back to America, and use my degree to find a job and start over, which will be easier and I can't tell you how many times in my short 25 years here on this rock ive had to start over. God bless you, and whatever journey you may be on. Buen Camino.

Soy un hombre, muy honrado, que me gusta lo mejor. La mujeres no me faltan, ni el dinero, ni el amor. Jinitiendo mi caballo, por las sierras yo me voy. Las estrellas y la luna, ellas me dicen donde voy...

Hopefully I can find someone to help me further my flamenco guitar learning in the land where it comes from. This guy is amazing, 10 minutes of pure magic and passion, I hope to play like this some day...
 

Reflections....

As i set here on my bed on my 2nd to last friday night and listen to this song, i reflected on several things. Today was such an amazing and accomplished day for me personally on so many levels. I woke up today at 6 oclock, knowing that I likely would have absolutely no free time to myself until well into the evening. I showered and headed it and got to spend some of the morning with my sister, god son/nephew and biological mom. So right away it started out a blessing because when we can all be together is certainly a rarity, especially so early. I went to El Centro at my campus to make sure the mural I had been working on was finalized and completely ready for display. I also had to finish the paper i wrote on what everything meant and the story behind that mural, a french final composition paper 2 pages long, and then work on a presentation for my senior sem in strategic management on a crazy project about economic gardening. After that presentation I had to finalize a 10 page paper to submit by 330 for that same project and have time to prepare to present my mural and tell its story by 4. This doesnt include the final portfolio assignment i didn't turn in in senior sem, or the 2 papers in tourism and hospitality management i didn't do either, simply for a genuine lack of time and prioritizing things that meant more to me, but if I could have done them and had the time, believe me I would have. I have been working my ass off on this mural, on this economic gardening project which will be used by the small business development center to educate people on the subject and pass along some of our suggestion to legislation being proposed in july. So in a sense, I left a good impression with the school of business, as well as with the multi cultural center that i worked for, El Centro, with the mural.
It was almost an out of body experience today, because I haven't really got to enjoy that feeling of family and positivity and that stuff for so long. Through grudges, and hate, death and negativity my family had been torn apart. In many respects it still is. For being such a big family, i feel like we are so broken sometimes. I do at times want to say I understand why, but other times I think that life is too short and maybe we shouldn't be the way we are with eachother, because in the end, all we have is family. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, with all my heart and they have been the gas that has fueled the fire of my soul and desire to strive far beyond what I have thought comprehensible, and its all because I want them to see that so many more things are possible, and we dont have to be so hateful. I understand we have been emotionally and socially shocked throughout our lives from grieving and trauma and what not, but the truth shall set us free and that truth is that yes, several bad things have happened, but we live to overcome them and go further and beyond.
In truth, I thought today was going to be compromised in some respects, with respect to how my mural is interpreted by all cultures and sub cultures as well as the family setting for me that was there. You see, things have been broken as I said for awhile, and today, for the first time in god knows how long, I was together with both of my little sisters, my brother, my uncle, my godson and my biological mom. It turned out to be so much better for me because I think differences were set aside out of respect for me and my accomplishments, regardless of what the past had brought. And I couldn't be more thankful.
On another note, I got to recognize several of my peers, co workers, and inspirations today. I got to thank Jen, who helped with the initial idea of a mural on the mirrors at el centro; shirena for being such a wonderful guide during my time and someone who has made so many things happen for me on so many fronts; my little sister hope for helping with the drawing and working with her all year and becoming closer; my friends alfredo and manuel chavarria for helping with the mural and being inspirations to me; and the students and staff and club members and everyone at the wonderful center I had the opportunity to work at all year long. It was the cherry on top of such an amazing and blessed day for me.
I came home and started listening to this song, Italia. It got me kind of down and made me start reflecting. It made me realize that I live for a bigger purpose now. That I am on a journey for others to see and be inspired by, and whether I go through this entire journey alone or not, I will leave up to god. Thy will be done. As I got to spend time with my family today and especially my god son shane, it made me think of how much I want a family of my own. I want to nurture it and see it grow into something amazing. My story has been a little unorthodox compared to most in that regard, and I wont get into the nitty gritty because I dont dwell in the past and take into account sunk costs. However, I do know that if given the opportunity to have my own family would be the only blessing left that I desire so bad, more so than anything. I feel like i have already done everything else I wanted to do, except for that, I want it so badly, but yet can not make permanent decisions based off of temporary emotions. I have to be patient and trust that god will either guide me in the write direction and cross me in the right paths or just trust that he knows exactly what he is doing if he wishes i endure this journey alone. On several times i have doubted, questioned and criticized my creator and his angels. But all through out life, they have guided me, from here to there, to places I never dreamt of. I have been put into positions that i didn't necessarily ask for, but more that just happened like it was supposed to happen, like it was written. I have a very strong faith and connection with my father. Though I never enjoyed the pleasure of a real father here on earth, i do say that my father was a carpenter, and a man of faith, and when I do I refer to Jesus Cristo. There are so many instances where he has guided throughout the times and throughout the lands across the globe, when I had no one, or nothing, but him.
Tonight, I got sad, and cried. I hate to cry, i hate to be emotional, I try to just be calm cool and collected without showing much emotion. I hide all my feelings, weather sad or happy, excited or depressed or what have you. But the tears started flowing tonight, as I looked at my mothers picture, and reflected on all the people whose paths crossed mine, directly and indirectly, and all the people before me, with me now, and the ones in the future to come. And if we have talked and got to know eachother even if just a few instances, believe me, I will never forget you and appreciate you. Through work or school, or history, or jail, or juvenile detention, I remember everyone who has made an impact in my life. And there have been several. I am greatful, and I still have graduation to get over, which will be another huge day. But today was a huge accomplishment for me on so many levels and an enjoyable and blessed day with family, friends, co workers and the like. Thank all of you, you have made it possible for me to be where I am today.

My first trip. 

The Sound of Destiny...

Well, since my last post well over a year ago, things sure have changed. Some for the good, and some for the bad with some ugly mixed in. My last post was the torn between two loves post. Since then, one of those loves has eliminated themselves from the equation while making the other seem like the only choice I have. I did love a woman, I was deeply  in love with her. She was supposed to be my wife, and the mother of my children, and the guardess of my heart. The one who I would have went to work everyday for and busted my ass to make everything possible for me and her, and perhaps our children. Words can't describe how deeply in love with this woman I was. However, I was involved in a love triangle, unknowingly, for about a year. There was another person involved for her, and another place involved for me.
You see, i usually keep a stronghold on my heart as well as my person. I am a cancer, and naturally, I do have an extremely tough exterior, and claws to pinch anybody that gets close that I feel threatened by or uncomfortable around. But really, I just go about my business, try not to bother anybody while looking for a sweet body of water to chill by, and protect myself, while trying to fulfill the basic necessities and pleasures of life, like a companion and a child perhaps. I do however, have a vulnerable and soft underside, which is why its orientated to the ground and unexposed. I got on my back and allowed someone power over me, in hopes something beautiful would come out of it. Instead, I found myself with a little dagger in that soft vulnerable chest I knew I should not have exposed to fully.
Frankly, there were times I felt like it was something I could not handle, not get over, especially working and going to school and readjusting to a life and lifestyle that had become alien to me. I was so used to just being in love and watching movies, and cooking, and all that bullshit. When you get thrown back out into the alley after so long, you get kind of shocked. I will be the first to admit, I was no angel, sure, but I never intentionally went out of my way to hurt anyone. Anyhow, the more i talk about this the more i get irritated so long story short, I allowed this triangle to go on for almost a year.
That time is now up. I aint doing it no more cuz that aint love. that type of love involves two people, in my view, no more, no less. it evolved into that love we all so desire in life, just to that simple kind of love, like loving music, or loving friends.
I took a stand and made a choice. I booked a ticket back to the other love i know, and that is traveling, especially to Malaga. Back to the old castles overlooking the mediteranean, with flamenco playing, and roman theaters to visit from millenniums past, and a relaxed culture where im not rushing everywhere and everything and where life isn't consumed by dollars or euros and happiness dependent on them. From there, travel to other places that really interest me or that I have some sort of connection to is way easier and cheaper. The winds of destiny have blown me off my feet and given me no choice. They say go with what you love, and so that is what I am doing.
My flight leaves for Malaga from JFK new york on April 30th. This month is huge for me. On April 27th, I graduate college. I will have made footsteps in that regard to where none have been made before in my family. I didnt even think I would finish college when I first started. But here I am, about to graduate with a degree in international business. I still can't believe it myself, considering where I was in life not long ago. Now hopefully people that have been through some tough times can see that college is not an impossibility and try to improve themselves and their situations. On April 28th, the day after, will be the 12th year exactly that my mom has been with god. She died April 28th, 2001, when I was 13. She was my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister, my aunt, my uncle, my cousin, my teacher, my best friend, everything. And if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be who or where I am today. It will be beautiful to honor her memory with my degree the day before.
2 days later I will be embarking on a journey that to be honest, i don't know how will end. I do know that I am going all in in this hand, because I know that in order to win big, you have to take big risks. I am either going to double up, or double down, but atleast I will always have my degree to fall back on. You miss 100% of the shots you never take. I am going to do the Camino de Santiago in late May, god willing, if I get enough money for graduation presents to make it to St Jean Pied de Port France from Malaga, Spain. If not, I will probably do the Camino Mozarabe. I will offer my services to anybody willing to accept them and compensate me with either shelter or food in the event that I run out of money. But I will be happy, and ultimately, that is what matters. I hope to find a life out there. I want to be born an american, but die a spaniard. I want my kids to go to La Masia in Barcelona and be great kids. I want to work in some capacity for a spanish futbol club or anything really.
My next big dream is to revolutionize the travel industry to make travel a possibility for everybody. The more people travel to other parts of the world, the less likely they are to say screw those people, bomb em. or shit like that. We cant judge every single north korean for what kim jung un is doing. One of the most inspirational and incredible stories I have heard is a person from north korea who escaped a prison whom he had come to know as home. It would make it far harder to say screw it, lets blow them off the face of the earth, if you had actually been there and lived amongst them. travel can be a big tool for world peace I believe. Maybe thats why some governments restrict travel outside of their borders or even so much as watching marketing materials from other countries, because they do not want people to know what other people are really like, but rather feed them hate and make them think they or we are all the same. But that will come far later in life, but hopefully i connect with the right people to make this happen. its definitely doable.
Anyhow, this post is getting long and I am sure you are getting bored. Wish me luck on my journey and let me know what you think. you can always find me on facebook under brian albo bettini. I hope you enjoy my writings, pictures and videos from the journey I am soon to embark on. Well, really, it has been a journey since July 5th, 1987. You will get to enjoy the better, more interesting parts hopefully. I am 2 weeks away from boarding that plane in New York, and dont know how to feel. I cant even focus on my graduation, which I should be. I almost feel like I have to run away from here, like I am being kicked out of my own hometown. But home is where the heart is, and if there is one thing I know, my heart is not here. Its out there in the world somewhere.
Everything happens for a reason, good and bad. I realize now that I have been through all the pain and bullshit so that I can see this unfold. It would not be possible for me to write this, and perhaps inspire someone, if I stayed with my x. I would not be able to leave and embark on a journey. Although that was what I had really wanted, a wife a kid and that "american dream" life, its not what I have 25 years later and i am not happy pursuing that dream for the time being anymore. My new dream is to see everything, and change lives now, and open eyes for future generations, or existing ones whom are still wrapped in chains.
I also have been working on a mural for a hispanic resource center I work for on my campus. Ill post pics later. but my mind has been overloaded, and of course, im sick now too. I have a lot going on these next few weeks, but ultimately, god will guide me in the direction I need to go with guidance from my guardian angel in heaven (mom) as well as the angels here on earth whos paths i will cross, and have crossed before. He has never let me down before, he got me to places I never even dreamed of and helped me accomplish things I never thought possible. And now, I will do this Camino for him and hopefully, along the way, he will guide me to my destiny for the rest of life. The sound of flamenco music will carry me through like winds carrying leaves throughout the world... Buen Camino en la vida a vosotros...

next destiny...