You can't stop fate, no matter what...

bachelor of arts in international business, with a mural i did also. 

This song by Jesse Cook holds a significance for me. When I was leaving Spain, I got on a bus from Malaga to Madrid late at night. Everyone was gone by that point, and it was just me in Malaga, all alone again to reflect a few days after everyone else left and spend Christmas there. But I remember this song playing on my ipad when I left the bus station in Malaga. I cried because I wasnt sure if I wanted to leave or what. i didnt know how to feel but this song sure helped me express it. Now that I was on a plane above Minnesota, the song came on again. I realized that I dont know how to feel again, now that I am departing my hometown, my homestate and my home country. I feel like its an out of body experience, like all this has just been setup and now I have to do it. Its like god books the tickets and gets me here and there, and i dont even realize it until after, or til im alone with too much time. I really dont know how to feel, i dont know what will happen. When i left spain, i knew i had a beautiful girl to go back to, a house, i knew I could go back and finish school. Now its like, what am I doing? This song really helps express how I feel right now.
Well, I wish I had time to have enjoyed and soaked up my weekend. Things have been so chaotic, but for a beautiful reason, these past few days. I graduated on Saturday with a bachelor of arts in international business, first in my family. I received so much amazing and wonderful feedback from people I have known forever or haven't even known, but were inspired by my journeys. Saturday flew so fast, I was up at 5 am, for 24 hours straight til the next day Sunday. The ceremony was beautiful and very inspiring to me and I feel like I soaked up some good things from the guest speakers and such. The best thing about Saturday, was a new plateau was reached, a new rung at the top of the ladder made. Now people can reach higher, and know that anybody, even a kid born with not much, who went through hell as a teen and almost lost himself can do whatever the hell they want with a good combination of faith in self, in god, and in the world. I have been so blessed beyond so many levels. After the ceremony, I made it a point to hang out with everybody that I loved and everyone that loved me. So many extraordinary people have been involved to help me reach the little level of success that I have. But to me, the journey has just begun. Although graduating was certainly hard, its not the hardest part. Its applying all that knowledge.Saturday was a blur of success, achievement and good times with family and friends for all to enjoy.
Sunday was a day of reflection and a day of gathering for me. April 28,2001 was when my mom died, I was 13. I shouldn't explain my profound connection with my mom that was abruptly taken so fast, but it was certainly an emotional day for me all around. I tried running around and getting everything situated while trying to spend the last few moments with those who I cherish in my life so closely and dearly. By the time it was 4 or 5, I was getting frustrated because I had not made it to the cemetery to see my mom one more time. I didn't even wake up until about 11 and I knew I was leaving early Monday morning so my time had already been bleeding away so fast. I felt like I was running out of time, like I didn't feel everything I wanted to feel. Like I didnt say bye and thanks to everyone. There was so much more I wanted to do, and I know other people wanted to do things with me like dinner and things. Time ran out. I did however make time with my best friends, my brothers, my sister and the little fam i had. what matters the most to me, is i provided my family with hope and inspiration. I got them together for a good cause finally, rather than a funeral, or to drink or anything like that. Through all the hate, through all the past, through all the grudges and all the bullshit, my little family pulled it together this weekend for me and i cant tell you the profound effect it had on me to be able to make people proud. I did make it to the cemetery and it was definitely hard. I wanted to cry, but I knew she would want me to be strong, and determined. I took a few pics and me and my brothers left. I spent a little while longer with them, as the sand in the top half of the glass disappeared on me.
I didn't have enough time for anything pretty much and now I feel like I rushed myself too much. Im sitting here at JFK airport in NY all alone and my flight doesn't leave til 5 tomorrow. I don't know. I missed my original flight in albuquerque and had to rebook, so right away, I almost wanted to say screw it. I had a car, a house, was just getting closer to my fam n friends, a bachelors degree now, and a great little town to live in. But no, I let my emotions get in the way and i forced myself out quicker than I would have liked.
God, however, has a funny way of making his presence felt in your life if you pay attention. Today, my first flight to St Paul, I think I crossed paths with one of those angels you coincidentally run into in life. I was sitting there reading my book about the camino de santiago, and a humble man asked me if I was doing it. So we got into a great conversation, and he informed me of his travels pretty much throughout all of Spain and some of the wonderful experiences he had. He wrestled a bull by the horns, literally, in the Basque country. took life by the horns, and had some fun doing it. He said he really desired to do the camino and I truly encouraged him. we even started speaking some of that European dialect of Castillano, which i need to get used to again. I gave him my blogger address and do hope he keeps up and perhaps maybe keep in touch. It is truly a pleasure to cross paths with great people like that, I even got his card, it was another example of god crossing paths for people. I am not even in Spain yet and made a connection.
On another note, it is 2 am here on the east. I am chilling here at JFK airport, by myself. I got to tell you, I am going to have to be strong. This trip is already different than my first trip to Europe. I know I am not alone and the world is there to help me, but its so hard to just wander across the planet by yourself. Especially with all the crap on my mind, from mistakes ive made that led to me not being married right now like i should be and want to be, like my future, like what im gonna do when I get there. I just knew that I wanted to run away from Durango, to get away. I scheduled it so that I would graduate on the 27th, my moms 12th year being gone was the 28th, and then I thought Id be ready to just leave the day after, now the 29th. Well, while i was up in the clouds all day, I sure had some time to think. I don't have a job, I have 800 bucks to last me til whenever and a flight back is 500. so that math there will let ya know. But I think if I really wanted to come back sooner than I anticipated, my family and friends perhaps could help me make that happen. Its no easy task just venturing off out into the world by yourself. But its a choice I made and now im on the other side of the country, waiting to fly across this ocean, to another country tomorrow. For all the preaching I do to people to be patient and plan everything and not make decisions based off negative emotions, I sure have been a hypocrite on this occasion. Reading this novel I have about the camino makes me just want to go do the camino and then maybe go back home to find a job. What I will do for sure is apply online for what I can while in Malaga and just take some time up there to relax and clear my head and thoughts and really figure out what I want to do in life. This is it now, its no joke. So I will apply for an advisor position at FLC and hope I get it. If not, maybe god will help me run into more people along this journey that can help with that aspect. I haven't even left the country yet and I feel homesick. Oh well, I have to be strong and fulfill this destiny. change is never easy, i dont care how big and bad one might think he is.
I will do the camino, that is for sure. How much of it, I am not currently sure. If funds allow me to, id like to do the whole thing from st jean pied de port, but I dont want any fellow pilgrims having to help me out with food or shelter or anything like that. So I will figure it out when i get to Malaga. I can always start in Pamplona or Sarria and get my Pilgrim passport. Its up to god, I hope he gives me the strength and determination to not be swayed by anything. not depression, not anger, not homesickness, nothing. I need to be strong because I am now an example for others that may want to keep up with my story.
Well, hopefully I can go check out new york for a min tomorrow if the taxi isn't too expensive or I can find a cheap shuttle downtown and back to JFK. maybe that will ease up my mind a little. I can't tell you how many times it felt like i had an apple in my throat these last few days, holding back from just balling hard. There is so much happiness, and sadness, and accomplishment, and depression, and loneliness, and aliveness and inspiration and other things that have just fell upon me so hard these last few days.
Oh well, regardless, I am going to get my pilgrims passport and have a little fun. May god guide me in the right direction, may st michael the archangel protect me from the evil here on earth, and may I be smart and determined and strong enough to make it through. wish me luck guys, I am doing this for a purpose beyond myself now. I hope you enjoyed this post, and I will post another once I get to Malaga. I have to get some sleep on this awesome cold granite floor in this massive empty and eerily quiet place. and be ready for the chaos soon to come in a few hours. I appreciate you reading this. I hope to provide you with a live story that you can follow. There is some drama, some suspense, and perhaps even a love story in there as I travel into the great unknown. Perfect recipe for your typical movie or book. But this is 100% real, realtime. Wish me luck people, take care and until next time, buen camino a vosotros and god be with you. goodnight.

So Close

Well, I am about an hour away from rehearsing for graduation. It is a unique feeling to say the least. I have been through alot to get to the point at which I am at now in my life. I am extremely grateful that I have a 2nd chance to graduate, from a higher education institution. I will now have a GED, that I got for fun, a high school diploma, and a bachelors degree in international business. Its truly a blessing a great feeling and I am very thankful that I am able to have a good head with a reasonably functioning brain on my shoulders. I have learned more than I had imagined 4.5 years ago. I was a lowpoint in life around that time and had to figure something out to get it together.
I need to focus more on the present more so now than ever. At times it seems very difficult for me and I find myself not enjoying the present while thinking too much about the future. i took a strengths test at work and and my biggest strength was strategy. Its a skill you cant teach apparently and I see that I do tend to eliminate time wasting and roads that will take too long and try to choose the best solution. I can formulate great plans of action and implement them and put in as much work as I need to in order make it happen. the mural I completed is a great example. I didn't really know how to do it, I just came up with what I thought would be the most efficient easiest ways of getting it all together. From getting it off a piece of paper, onto a projector, and actually onto the wall and painted was quite a process. Even arranging the images was probably the biggest challenge. I didn't know what was going to be on the mural, but I was asked to do it and figured it out from there and it turned out pretty good. But its strange because immediately following the success of another strategy, to graduate college regardless of what happens in my personal life, I will embark on a journey into the unknown. I am putting myself in a situation that I havent planned enough for, and don't even know if I will have the resources to make it happen. At this point I have 300 bucks to take with me to Spain and atleast 50 will go to gas in albuquerque, which is a significant portion of my funds. But I know another man, who lives in Barcelona, and treated me to a free, yes FREE, FC Barcelona game and a 2 bedroom apartment while there for the weekend. He was in my same situation awhile ago and went to spain with 300 also. He is now married with a child and has a great job over there and is living the dream, and is a great enough person to pass along his success to help me make a dream come true, and also let me never forget that I too need to share my success and riches once I may possibly attain them. I have a faith in god, faith in myself, and faith in the world that it will work out.
Another twist on the story is I have a good friend I made this year while in school. He is from Spain and is an exchange student. He ironically desires to move here to the US, graduate, and work and live here and live that American dream. I am doing the exact opposite, I am sacrificing what I know could be a career I could start right away here in the U.S., to go hard time it in Spain in search of one of the only dreams I have left, which is love and family. I think its crazy when I think about it. I am also going out there to refind myself and who I am because over the course of the last year, my personal life has really made me question that at times. I had lost faith in myself, faith in my god, and faith in the angels that have helped me along this journey. But I am more determined than every, especially after the dream of graduation is realized tomorrow, to make my faith in god, myself and the world stronger than ever. And I hope with that I am able to pass along positive and great things along to the rest of the world in whatever capacities I can.
In the early 1900s, there was an earthquake near Messina, Sicily that nearly destroyed the whole town. I learned this from a sicilian man in a hostel I stayed with in Rome a little over a year ago. I told him my fathers family was from Messina, and when he told me that story, I think a light bulb went off and made me think perhaps thats why he came over here to America. Antonio Tony Bettini, came here in the early 1900s, with god knows what. I dont know much of the story, I wish I did, but here he came to a whole new country and land and Im sure he spoke sicilian and very little english. He didn't know what he was getting into, but it turned out pretty great I assume. He had some kids and grandkids and lived a good life here in Colorado and Orange California from what I know. The same story can be said of my Albi/Albo side. My great great grandpa, Francesco Albi came from Calabria, Italy supposedly, an area near the same place my bettini side came from. Same story, in search of something new, not knowing exactly what might become of it. When the Spanish came centuries ago, I am sure they had mixed feelings about leaving their land, their homes to come and live a new life, in a new unknown land that nobody had known. I feel the same way, going back to where they came from though, I am doing the opposite of them, or completing a circle in a sense. I have that same expolorer spirit that they had when they came here. The world is all developed and everything has been found. So there is no new land to discover, only new plateaus in our minds to reach, and that is what I am doing. A new plateau will be reached in the morning and I invite you all to join at fort lewis collge at 830 am. If you are unable to, you can watch it online at www.fortlewis.edu/grad-stream                      I hope you are able to watch, and enjoy the experience i wish to share with anybody. Thank you for reading this and I will likely post one last time for a few days. I want to thank everybody who has provided me with feedback, especially my family and friends, on graduating. I do truly wish my mother was able to be there tomorrow, she is ultimately who I fought so hard to make proud. But she will be smiling down from heaven, and guide me through this new journey. I often feel like there is no one there to really be proud, genuinely, and see what I have done considering what I have been through. I really dont talk to anyone, and I would love to talk to everyone. There is nobody I would never talk to. But the ones who took time to congratulate me and tell me how proud they are, and how proud my mom would be, thank you so much. And to the people who I met along this journey, thank you. If we only briefly made eye contact, and said something there without a word, or if Ive known you for all years in collgee or throughout my life or your my blood or we dont even know eachother and have never met, but you care enough to read this, thank you!!!! I am bursting with positive energy and I feel so blessed. Everybody who crosses my path I will remember, and I do hope to keep in contact with anybody and everybody who wants to. From my teachers, to my professors, to co workers, aquaintances, friends, family, coaches from ROP, old probation officers, americans, coloradans, durangatangs, spaniards, italians, french, swedish, argentine, columbian, mexican venezuelan, Moroccan, Swiss, and just everybody, everybody, I truly thank you. I take off on another journey on Monday, when I fly to New York, and then to Spain the following day. Those winds that were calling me from Andalucia since I left have prevailed. To them, I submit myself, regardless if I fail or not. The worst that can happen, is I have to come back to America, and use my degree to find a job and start over, which will be easier and I can't tell you how many times in my short 25 years here on this rock ive had to start over. God bless you, and whatever journey you may be on. Buen Camino.

Soy un hombre, muy honrado, que me gusta lo mejor. La mujeres no me faltan, ni el dinero, ni el amor. Jinitiendo mi caballo, por las sierras yo me voy. Las estrellas y la luna, ellas me dicen donde voy...

Hopefully I can find someone to help me further my flamenco guitar learning in the land where it comes from. This guy is amazing, 10 minutes of pure magic and passion, I hope to play like this some day...
 

Reflections....

As i set here on my bed on my 2nd to last friday night and listen to this song, i reflected on several things. Today was such an amazing and accomplished day for me personally on so many levels. I woke up today at 6 oclock, knowing that I likely would have absolutely no free time to myself until well into the evening. I showered and headed it and got to spend some of the morning with my sister, god son/nephew and biological mom. So right away it started out a blessing because when we can all be together is certainly a rarity, especially so early. I went to El Centro at my campus to make sure the mural I had been working on was finalized and completely ready for display. I also had to finish the paper i wrote on what everything meant and the story behind that mural, a french final composition paper 2 pages long, and then work on a presentation for my senior sem in strategic management on a crazy project about economic gardening. After that presentation I had to finalize a 10 page paper to submit by 330 for that same project and have time to prepare to present my mural and tell its story by 4. This doesnt include the final portfolio assignment i didn't turn in in senior sem, or the 2 papers in tourism and hospitality management i didn't do either, simply for a genuine lack of time and prioritizing things that meant more to me, but if I could have done them and had the time, believe me I would have. I have been working my ass off on this mural, on this economic gardening project which will be used by the small business development center to educate people on the subject and pass along some of our suggestion to legislation being proposed in july. So in a sense, I left a good impression with the school of business, as well as with the multi cultural center that i worked for, El Centro, with the mural.
It was almost an out of body experience today, because I haven't really got to enjoy that feeling of family and positivity and that stuff for so long. Through grudges, and hate, death and negativity my family had been torn apart. In many respects it still is. For being such a big family, i feel like we are so broken sometimes. I do at times want to say I understand why, but other times I think that life is too short and maybe we shouldn't be the way we are with eachother, because in the end, all we have is family. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, with all my heart and they have been the gas that has fueled the fire of my soul and desire to strive far beyond what I have thought comprehensible, and its all because I want them to see that so many more things are possible, and we dont have to be so hateful. I understand we have been emotionally and socially shocked throughout our lives from grieving and trauma and what not, but the truth shall set us free and that truth is that yes, several bad things have happened, but we live to overcome them and go further and beyond.
In truth, I thought today was going to be compromised in some respects, with respect to how my mural is interpreted by all cultures and sub cultures as well as the family setting for me that was there. You see, things have been broken as I said for awhile, and today, for the first time in god knows how long, I was together with both of my little sisters, my brother, my uncle, my godson and my biological mom. It turned out to be so much better for me because I think differences were set aside out of respect for me and my accomplishments, regardless of what the past had brought. And I couldn't be more thankful.
On another note, I got to recognize several of my peers, co workers, and inspirations today. I got to thank Jen, who helped with the initial idea of a mural on the mirrors at el centro; shirena for being such a wonderful guide during my time and someone who has made so many things happen for me on so many fronts; my little sister hope for helping with the drawing and working with her all year and becoming closer; my friends alfredo and manuel chavarria for helping with the mural and being inspirations to me; and the students and staff and club members and everyone at the wonderful center I had the opportunity to work at all year long. It was the cherry on top of such an amazing and blessed day for me.
I came home and started listening to this song, Italia. It got me kind of down and made me start reflecting. It made me realize that I live for a bigger purpose now. That I am on a journey for others to see and be inspired by, and whether I go through this entire journey alone or not, I will leave up to god. Thy will be done. As I got to spend time with my family today and especially my god son shane, it made me think of how much I want a family of my own. I want to nurture it and see it grow into something amazing. My story has been a little unorthodox compared to most in that regard, and I wont get into the nitty gritty because I dont dwell in the past and take into account sunk costs. However, I do know that if given the opportunity to have my own family would be the only blessing left that I desire so bad, more so than anything. I feel like i have already done everything else I wanted to do, except for that, I want it so badly, but yet can not make permanent decisions based off of temporary emotions. I have to be patient and trust that god will either guide me in the write direction and cross me in the right paths or just trust that he knows exactly what he is doing if he wishes i endure this journey alone. On several times i have doubted, questioned and criticized my creator and his angels. But all through out life, they have guided me, from here to there, to places I never dreamt of. I have been put into positions that i didn't necessarily ask for, but more that just happened like it was supposed to happen, like it was written. I have a very strong faith and connection with my father. Though I never enjoyed the pleasure of a real father here on earth, i do say that my father was a carpenter, and a man of faith, and when I do I refer to Jesus Cristo. There are so many instances where he has guided throughout the times and throughout the lands across the globe, when I had no one, or nothing, but him.
Tonight, I got sad, and cried. I hate to cry, i hate to be emotional, I try to just be calm cool and collected without showing much emotion. I hide all my feelings, weather sad or happy, excited or depressed or what have you. But the tears started flowing tonight, as I looked at my mothers picture, and reflected on all the people whose paths crossed mine, directly and indirectly, and all the people before me, with me now, and the ones in the future to come. And if we have talked and got to know eachother even if just a few instances, believe me, I will never forget you and appreciate you. Through work or school, or history, or jail, or juvenile detention, I remember everyone who has made an impact in my life. And there have been several. I am greatful, and I still have graduation to get over, which will be another huge day. But today was a huge accomplishment for me on so many levels and an enjoyable and blessed day with family, friends, co workers and the like. Thank all of you, you have made it possible for me to be where I am today.

My first trip. 

The Sound of Destiny...

Well, since my last post well over a year ago, things sure have changed. Some for the good, and some for the bad with some ugly mixed in. My last post was the torn between two loves post. Since then, one of those loves has eliminated themselves from the equation while making the other seem like the only choice I have. I did love a woman, I was deeply  in love with her. She was supposed to be my wife, and the mother of my children, and the guardess of my heart. The one who I would have went to work everyday for and busted my ass to make everything possible for me and her, and perhaps our children. Words can't describe how deeply in love with this woman I was. However, I was involved in a love triangle, unknowingly, for about a year. There was another person involved for her, and another place involved for me.
You see, i usually keep a stronghold on my heart as well as my person. I am a cancer, and naturally, I do have an extremely tough exterior, and claws to pinch anybody that gets close that I feel threatened by or uncomfortable around. But really, I just go about my business, try not to bother anybody while looking for a sweet body of water to chill by, and protect myself, while trying to fulfill the basic necessities and pleasures of life, like a companion and a child perhaps. I do however, have a vulnerable and soft underside, which is why its orientated to the ground and unexposed. I got on my back and allowed someone power over me, in hopes something beautiful would come out of it. Instead, I found myself with a little dagger in that soft vulnerable chest I knew I should not have exposed to fully.
Frankly, there were times I felt like it was something I could not handle, not get over, especially working and going to school and readjusting to a life and lifestyle that had become alien to me. I was so used to just being in love and watching movies, and cooking, and all that bullshit. When you get thrown back out into the alley after so long, you get kind of shocked. I will be the first to admit, I was no angel, sure, but I never intentionally went out of my way to hurt anyone. Anyhow, the more i talk about this the more i get irritated so long story short, I allowed this triangle to go on for almost a year.
That time is now up. I aint doing it no more cuz that aint love. that type of love involves two people, in my view, no more, no less. it evolved into that love we all so desire in life, just to that simple kind of love, like loving music, or loving friends.
I took a stand and made a choice. I booked a ticket back to the other love i know, and that is traveling, especially to Malaga. Back to the old castles overlooking the mediteranean, with flamenco playing, and roman theaters to visit from millenniums past, and a relaxed culture where im not rushing everywhere and everything and where life isn't consumed by dollars or euros and happiness dependent on them. From there, travel to other places that really interest me or that I have some sort of connection to is way easier and cheaper. The winds of destiny have blown me off my feet and given me no choice. They say go with what you love, and so that is what I am doing.
My flight leaves for Malaga from JFK new york on April 30th. This month is huge for me. On April 27th, I graduate college. I will have made footsteps in that regard to where none have been made before in my family. I didnt even think I would finish college when I first started. But here I am, about to graduate with a degree in international business. I still can't believe it myself, considering where I was in life not long ago. Now hopefully people that have been through some tough times can see that college is not an impossibility and try to improve themselves and their situations. On April 28th, the day after, will be the 12th year exactly that my mom has been with god. She died April 28th, 2001, when I was 13. She was my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister, my aunt, my uncle, my cousin, my teacher, my best friend, everything. And if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be who or where I am today. It will be beautiful to honor her memory with my degree the day before.
2 days later I will be embarking on a journey that to be honest, i don't know how will end. I do know that I am going all in in this hand, because I know that in order to win big, you have to take big risks. I am either going to double up, or double down, but atleast I will always have my degree to fall back on. You miss 100% of the shots you never take. I am going to do the Camino de Santiago in late May, god willing, if I get enough money for graduation presents to make it to St Jean Pied de Port France from Malaga, Spain. If not, I will probably do the Camino Mozarabe. I will offer my services to anybody willing to accept them and compensate me with either shelter or food in the event that I run out of money. But I will be happy, and ultimately, that is what matters. I hope to find a life out there. I want to be born an american, but die a spaniard. I want my kids to go to La Masia in Barcelona and be great kids. I want to work in some capacity for a spanish futbol club or anything really.
My next big dream is to revolutionize the travel industry to make travel a possibility for everybody. The more people travel to other parts of the world, the less likely they are to say screw those people, bomb em. or shit like that. We cant judge every single north korean for what kim jung un is doing. One of the most inspirational and incredible stories I have heard is a person from north korea who escaped a prison whom he had come to know as home. It would make it far harder to say screw it, lets blow them off the face of the earth, if you had actually been there and lived amongst them. travel can be a big tool for world peace I believe. Maybe thats why some governments restrict travel outside of their borders or even so much as watching marketing materials from other countries, because they do not want people to know what other people are really like, but rather feed them hate and make them think they or we are all the same. But that will come far later in life, but hopefully i connect with the right people to make this happen. its definitely doable.
Anyhow, this post is getting long and I am sure you are getting bored. Wish me luck on my journey and let me know what you think. you can always find me on facebook under brian albo bettini. I hope you enjoy my writings, pictures and videos from the journey I am soon to embark on. Well, really, it has been a journey since July 5th, 1987. You will get to enjoy the better, more interesting parts hopefully. I am 2 weeks away from boarding that plane in New York, and dont know how to feel. I cant even focus on my graduation, which I should be. I almost feel like I have to run away from here, like I am being kicked out of my own hometown. But home is where the heart is, and if there is one thing I know, my heart is not here. Its out there in the world somewhere.
Everything happens for a reason, good and bad. I realize now that I have been through all the pain and bullshit so that I can see this unfold. It would not be possible for me to write this, and perhaps inspire someone, if I stayed with my x. I would not be able to leave and embark on a journey. Although that was what I had really wanted, a wife a kid and that "american dream" life, its not what I have 25 years later and i am not happy pursuing that dream for the time being anymore. My new dream is to see everything, and change lives now, and open eyes for future generations, or existing ones whom are still wrapped in chains.
I also have been working on a mural for a hispanic resource center I work for on my campus. Ill post pics later. but my mind has been overloaded, and of course, im sick now too. I have a lot going on these next few weeks, but ultimately, god will guide me in the direction I need to go with guidance from my guardian angel in heaven (mom) as well as the angels here on earth whos paths i will cross, and have crossed before. He has never let me down before, he got me to places I never even dreamed of and helped me accomplish things I never thought possible. And now, I will do this Camino for him and hopefully, along the way, he will guide me to my destiny for the rest of life. The sound of flamenco music will carry me through like winds carrying leaves throughout the world... Buen Camino en la vida a vosotros...

next destiny...

torn between 2 loves....

Well, upon my return, I have undergone an unanticipated and unexpected conflict between two of my strongest loves. It seems my love for someone has interferred with my newfound love for a place. It seemes one cannot have his cake as well as eat the dam thing. Sadly, I regrettably report that my love for a place has prevailed. I'm not sure if it is what i wanted or had planned, however, it is how it turned out. While I lived in Malaga Spain this past fall, I grew a love and passion for traveling and spain that i cant quite describe with words. Lets just say its magical. In malaga, i was walking by 2000 year old ruins every day, a 1200 year old moorish castle, one of the most beautiful beaches with the most beautiful sunsets i have ever seen, some of the coolest and awesomest (ya, it might not be a word, but to me, its a verb) people walking earth speaking one of the more common and beautiful languages on earth and walking about in a city that makes reality seem like a joke. Was it bad for me to have experienced this since it has now become an unignorable thorn in my side that I cant quite stop thinking about returning? Or was it good to have provided me with all the insights,  landmarks and histories of mine peoples throughout my ancestry and roots to realize who i am and more importantly who i want to be in life? either or, i hear the calls of andalucia herself through the bone chilling cold winds here in colorado flung violently from halfway across the globe to here. It may seem romantic or crazy, however, i did attain the belief that i had once roamed that same land in a past life. It seems my comfort level with the land, as if it were my home and I had lived there for one hundred years, has convinced me of such crazy notions.
However, notions they are not. I have been there. I have lived and breathed the streets near the castle and roman ruins and all along the coastline of the malaga coastline from el palo beach to la malagueta. Realities they are. It is a dream land in every sense of the notion. Walk down calle larios, and you will hear the tune of what appears to be professional flamenco players or an orchestra. And best of all, its all free. Just walking through the streets with this music playing in the background just amplifies the feeling of euphoria while there. Make your way down calle larios, across the street from mcdonalds to plaza de la marina and across to the port and soon you will meet the mediterannean sea. Wow. It seems no body of water has as many stories in history written about it as this one. This body of water has seen wars and more ships and hsitory than most. Yet, in Malaga, you can just sit along the shoreline or even along a road which has a running trail or biking trail next to it as well as huge massive cement blocks which you can sit on and dream and think and get lost ina world you never thought of.  Its the perfect setting to write a book, or even a perfect setting for a book. Many works of literature and art have been written on that very land and sea. It seems all too surreal. I can not write about it no more tonight, I could write about it and its comparisons to paradise all night, so i will end it for now. But i promise you no less than a book in the future about it, written in the given setting. I also promise i will find my way back to this mystic land which i hear call me every night through the cold colorado winds brought from andalucia across the atlantic ocean. I will adhere to your requests one day sooner than later, i promise andalucia. for now, i must put up with this chaotic busy american lifestyle and try to get a degree. If, for some odd reason I am unable to complete that task, then I know where my great escape will be to. to eve  be a bum in this type of land is to be a wealthy man, for not all bums get to lie alongside one of the more beautiful beaches known to man and enjoy near perfect weather year around to survive in, believe me, I have known a few bums here in colorado and they can second the motion. Anyhow, I hope you have enjoyed my writing for now and will write and update when I can and promise that when I return to my past lifes home, andalucia espana, i will begin and complete a book that you hopefully wont be able to put down. but for now, gotta keep my priorities straight and try and get this degree here in america so it can be easier to work in europe. thanks, take it easy...

Dreaming with eyes open

This is a poem i wrote before i left to rome last week. I will write one more at the conclusion of my trip.

Walking between the sea and streets of cobble stone.
Thinking of all i can be, while gazing at remains and marble thrones.
I have never been to a place so diverse and grand.
Never had i had the same joy to traverse sand and land.
Im dreaming with my eyes open, i hate to ever close them.
Sun beaming on the beach as my soul lies open, hopin' this stays in reach,
Stuck in moments wishing god had froze them.
Walking here has me feeling roman. Walking by their theaters and on top of castles where once stood some bow-men, as i read the omens. I love the culture and the history, buried in time among myths and mysteries. The weather is rarely bad and a pessamist barely sad. It seems god smiles brightly on this land and sea. Doors to paradise are all around it seems, and in our hands, the keys. This land has all you could ever ask for, nobody to hide behind a mask for. Only moments that take your breath and you have to stop and gasp for. Its something you'll always long for, long after you leave. Something you'll always remain strong for, even when it seems impossible to conceive. Of course, this is through my eyes only. Some walk by me and misjudge and think, "that guys lonely". But if only they seen the world as i seen things, they would realize that most problems in life are but like bee stings...

Roma and experiencing my other heritage...

For the past 4 days, i have been in rome italy. It was quite an extraordinary trip. I think i seen just about all there was to see almost here in rome. On thursdsay i flew from malaga at around one and got to fiumucino airport at around five. I took a train, albeit the wrong one, from the airport to what was supposed to be rome. Then i figured through the gps on my ipad that it had taken me quite a bit further north of rome and i soon realized it was the wrong train. Luckily i had bought a week pass on the metro for unlimited use so i got off and went on the other side and headed back. I got off on tiburtina and a nice italian man gave me directions to the metro. I thought i would be too late for check in at my hostel but i made it and just settled in and slept that night. 
Friday i spent the whole day in rome. It was amazing. My dutch friend from the hostel accompanied me most of the day and at first i didnt want him to come but he grew on me and we spent most of the day walking. The first thing i wanted to see was the colisseum, so that is where we went. It was an awesome structure and there was so much happening around it. Near by was an arc of someone i know but forgot the name. I love all the arcs around europe. Not far was the roman forum where over 2000 years ago, the roman empire held a lot of its activities. So i hung around a lot by these spots for a little bit. Then we began to walk and i ran into a massive structure with horses and winged men riding them on top of what turned out to be the victor emmanuelle. It was a beautiful structure and i couldnt take enough pictures of it. Then i figured out entry was free so we went inside and it was equally impressive in as out. It had the eternal burning flame with two italian soldiers (alive) guarding it and i guess it was also "the tomb of the unknown soldier". I lateround victor emanuelle was king of italy. Inside was a lot of his history as well as the history of the unification of italy. The city is spectacular. 
Then i got hungry and decided to search for a pizza place. We found a pizzeria and come to find it didnt even sell pizza. So i still think pizza is different here, just like tortillas in spain are different than what we know in the US. So i had a calzone and a coke, which was a great meal. We continued to walk and i wanted to go to the castle of st amgelo so we walked along the river trying to get there. Then my dutch friend said the fountain of trevi was close by. So we took a detour and headed there. It didnt turn out to be so close but we eventually found it. It too was a beautiful structure it had huge statues and horses coming out of marble and a massive fountain. Hundreds of people are always around there. So then we proceeded to the castle of st angelo and on the way passed the palace of something called corte di cassazione. It too was quite a beautiful structure. Then we found the castle of st angelo nearby. I wanted to go in but it costed like 10€ so i just took pics and appreciated it from outside. 
The next destination was the vatican and st peters basilica. Now for me being a catholic, this was equal to a pilgrimage to mecca for muslims. It was amazing. My dutch friend had to leave and meet someone at this point so i enoyed the moment alone. It was a deep moment of reflection, appreciation and a reaffirmation of my belief in god. I was dazzled by what seemed like a hundred statues i was surrounded by in almost a full circle and the basilica itself was beautiful. It also had a huge oblisk in front as well. I proceeded to go in and seem they have metal detectos and security to make sure no radicals are trying to bring snything crazy in. Assoon as i walked in i could feel something. I cant explain yet what it was, but was certainly something. The structure was amazing inside and out. I cant describe it much, you just have to see it for yourself because its nearly indescribable.
So i left and wanted to try some gelati at a cool hang out and thought what better spot than the fountain of trevi. So i returned there and got the best tasting desert i have ever had in my life. I enjoyed it while looking at the fountain and admiring everything about it as well as basking in the ambience. So after that i decided to walk back to the colisseum and return to my hostel because my feet were killing me and i must have lost 10 pounds walking around rome with my backpack full of souveniers that day. So i did just that and hung out at the roman forum and colisseum atnight for a little while. Then hopped on the metro and made it back to my hostel. I tried a pizza place around the corner for dinner and skyped and went to sleep.
Saturday was another fun filled full day. What ididnt see friday i wanted to see saurday. So i took the metro and wound up at the main station of termini which is basically in the iddle of rome and began my journey. First on my list was the spanish steps. I seen many cool things along the way on the walk like piazza republica and cool structures everywhere. The spanish steps were quite awesome. On top of the steps was another beautiful church. There was many people there as well and on the bottom was one of the more well known streets in rome. On it was another oblisk as well as the spanish embassy, for which the stairs are named after. I then proceeded to the piazza del poppolo. It was amazing with tourists and locals alike basking in the music of a local street band playing an accordion and base and what not. More amazing architecture and cathedrals and there was also a wedding going on. I decided to eat and had the best lasagna ever. So then i headed to the pantheon. I definitely walked literally probably all over rome and it was a good feeling because it wasnt so bad. I felt healthy. So after about another hour of walking, i found the pantheon. I went inside and it was breathtaking with its natural lighting mechanism in the middle of the domed roof. The crown of king umberto was there as well as some things of victor emanuelle. Its weird because my great uncle manuel had the full name of victor emanuelle and now i may see the correlation because his father, my great great grandpa francesco albi was from italy. So then after hanging out there for awhile i wanted to see the basilica of giovanni laterno. So i headed back toward the colisseum and then toward that basilica from there. I tried to see circus massimo but it began to rain and i had no umbrella so i hung out under a tree until it stopped and headed to the other basilica. I saw a structure that i thought was it but it didnt look like what i seen on the map and i almost turned around and headed back. Good thing i didnt. 
I wentaround front and there was another structure that rivaled that of the vatican. Huge statues of saints and angels atop the building as if they were oberlooking rome and keeping upon it a watchful eye. So i took my pictures and went in. It was amazing inside as out and i got to attend a little part of a mass there as well. I walked around some more after and returned to the colisseum where there was a metro station and headed back to the spanish steps on a premonition because i wanted to eat and hang out some more. To my surpise there was a ceremony going on on the spanish steps and a band playing so it was great. I then went and ate at a restaurant nearby and had the best spaghetti ever with a glass of wine. I then had a craving for gelati and returned to fontana di trevi and tried a different flavor. Yummy. So then i concluded my 2nd day and committed to make it to mass in the morning at st peters basilica.
I woke the next day and got ready and took the metro to termini again. From there i walked to st peters basilica seeing a lot of the sights i had seen previously like the spanish steps and piazza del poppolo. It was a nice walk and before i got too far i decided to have a coffee and a piece of breakfast cake. I had some baileys added to what seemed like merely a shot of coffee. It wasnt much but it was quite strong. So i enjoyed the hour to two hour stroll through rome and wound up at st peters basilica around one, just in tme for mass. I sat in on it and it was a blessing even though it was all in italian. I even received communion. It was great. So i ate after mass nearby an awesome but expensive panini and headed back to the hostel for thr day to get situated and not spend anymore money that i really didnt have. My roomates were awesome. I spoke mainly with a man from lebanon who knew 8 different languages and a fellow sicilian who informed me of an important discovery of an earthquake that wiped the town of messina sicily clean and killed nearly 200000 sicilians in 1908. My great grandpa antonino bettini was born there and i wonder if it had something to do with his migration to america in the early 1900s. Life is crazy. I am glad to have been able to see the lands where my ancestors, near and far in time used to roam, both hin italy and spain. It has been generations since anyone in my 2 massive families have been able to say the same. I now truly know what it is to be of spanish and italian decent and most of all, what it is to be an american as well. I never thought about what it was to be american until i crossed the atlantic and seen all these places. I definitely share many of the cultural and religious aspects of both italy and spain, but i am no doubt an american because i have been able to see what an american is from an outsiders perspective. For this i am greatful. But all in all, it was an amazing trip and the last i have on my own in europe until i fly back to the states in 3 weeks. I have one more trip to sevilla spain next weekend and that concludes my journeys. I hope you have enjoyed my writings of my travels as much as i have enjoyed writing them and hope if you havent got to see these things for yourself, you will one day. 

Cordoba and the mesquita

I was in cordoba spain with my isa group for a day. It was a nice trip. The highlight of the trip was seeing the mesquita, or mosque that was a mix between both muslim mosque and catholic cathedral. It was built inside walls similar to the layout of ba boujloud in fez morocco. Except there didnt appear to be an entire town inside, just some fountains they used to wash in long ago, many orange trees and the mosque. Seeing the mosque was quite extraordinary. When you first walk into the gates of the square, you can easily see the moorish influence and architecture. It even smelled eerily familiar to fes morocco. The structure was grand in scale and took several centuries to finish it. Thére were four parts to the mesquita and they were each built separately in the 8th, 9th and 10th centuries. There was a mix of pillars and columns used to erect the structure which is a mix of 2 different architectual styles and you could see it. There was some red brick over all the double arches inside and it only added to the beauty of the structure. We wandered around the four different parts from each century as we were given a tour from a friendly spanish man who knew everything about its history and was sure to keep us all paying attention. There was certainly arches and architectual design of the moorish era everywhere outside of the cathedral, which we saw last. There were whole walls and arches of gold and glass preserved perfectly as if it was recently comsyructed, yet was over 1000 years old. It was amazing seeing some of the walls with muslim altars and then on other walls seeing catholic chapels. You can clearly see that the spanish catholic kings felt very strongly about making their prescence known and felt and it has resonated throughout history for hundreds of years. Inside of the structure was a massive and beautiful catholic cathedral. It appeared guarded by st michael, the archangel himself as his statue overlooked it fro, atop. Its mindboggling to think these intricate and impeccable structures were created somehow by the hands of man to me. After the tour of the cathedral and mosque, we were given a few hours of free time in which we ate and walked around the city and saw a nearby bridge with a moorish castle on the other side and an arc built by the spanish i believe. We then returned to malaga to see the christmas lights of the city lit all throughout the city and the nativity scene and christmas trees on each end of calle marques de larios. Just another amazing education and blessed day and trip in españa.

Paris

Well, i went to paris this past weekend. I have to say it is by far one of my favorite cities in the world. Its in a very close competition with barcelona and malaga. I have yet to see rome (1.5 weeks) but i believe asof now it was my favorite. I flew to zurich switzerland first for a layover and that was quite extraordinary in itself because i flew over the swiss alps. It was simply breath taking. I regret not taking many pictures from up there because i thought i would on the way back, but the weather wasnt as nice on the way back. But i got to fly right over them. I never thought i would see a mountain range that could rival the rockies, but the swiss alps are more majestic and grand in scale. It was a privelage. I got to paris in the evening around 630 and had to ride a bus for an hour into the main city to opera square. As soon as i got off the bus, paris began to amaze me with its architecture and liveliness everywhere possible.
I hung out around that part of town for a little bit and ate mcdonalds because i heard food is extremely expensive and i was and am on a very right budget. So i ate and walked to try and find my hostel. It was an amazing walk as i seen so many things. And about an hour later, i found it. It was a nice hostel especially for being my first one and i luckily ended up being alone in my 2 bed bedroom. I was kindly greeted by 2 friends i knew from the ISA program and hung out downstairs most of the night. We planned to do some things the next day and made a pact not to be back until midnight after sightseeing.
I woke up in the morning and was ready for a day full of adventure in paris, especially sine it was pretty much my only one because my flight left @ 7am sunday morning. We started at a soveneir market close to our hostel that was right by the sacre cour cethedral. I bought some souveneirs for a few family members i have and some for myself and a few for another person that may ot even want them, but i was and have been thinking od her alot lately. Anyhow, after that, we caught the metro train from gare du nord to close to the catacombs in southern old paris. It was supposed to be our beginning point. I right away got to start using the french i knew and was asking for directions and talking to locals, in french! I was excited to put my kowledge of a basic lamguage of something other than spanish in action. Im very proud to say i was able to practice french in paris. But ya, we found the catacombs but we would have been waiting in line for hours so we decided to skip it and see the more important parts, given the time we had. So we went and ate at a kind of nice restaurant and planned the rest of the day. We then made made it to the notre dame cathedral, where the movie hunchback took place. It was soooooo beautiful outside and equally inside. I got to light a candle inside and make a wish, like when i was an ultar boy as a kid. It is surely one of the grandest cathedrals in the world for catholics. I bought a rosary and did a tour inside and we proceeded to our next destination. The river that runs through paris is beautiful and all the bridges. On our way walking to the louvre museum,where the mona lisa is, we saw the royal palace of france. It was my 2nd royal palace after seeing the spanish one in madrid. They are simply marvelous structures and pictures dont do them justice. You have to be there to feel them. So we wqlked alongside the river, seeing paris, and made it to the luvre museum. That place was huge. The architecture here in europe is just amazing. I love the old style and you can just see the history and culture in all of them. Another thing i love is the saints and angels and figures looking down upon you from all these buildings. Its intricate and it makes me feel like the angels are constantly watching me here in europe, they are everywhere! I didnt go to see the mona lisa because there was only 20 min before it closed soi waited for my friends and we went on afyer that. Our next destination was la defance. It was basically downtown paris, the new part, with massive skyscrapers everywhere and a crazy square building that i really wanted to see called le grand arc. I couldnt even get a whole picture of it, it was so big but i got what i could. So then we went from there to the eiffel tower. That was simply amazing. Words or pictures cant begin to describe it. It also started sparkling randomly when we got there, it was breathtaking. We didnt go up because i had to catch a boat ride down the river and see paris from a boat and the line was huge. But its something you have to do in life to really appreciate. Movies dont do it justice. So i took this amazing boat ride down the river and saw most of paris at night. It was cool. I remember being onit alone wishing someone would be there with me, and thought about it more thani should have, but none the less relished the moment and appreciated the life god had granted me with up to that point. But its paris! City of love! Haha, o well. Ill be back, i can assure you that. So our last destination was le arc du triumph, an amazing and beautiful arc which many paris streets run off. We ate on the street that is close to it and known as one of the oldest and most expensive but nicest streets in all of europe. I had some pasta and a glass of french wine. It was great. So we went and seen the arc du triumph for awhile and caut the metro back to the hostel and that was pretty much my trip. By the time we had gotten back to the hostel it was 1 and i had to leave to the airport at 5. So i slept what i could and got up and went to the airport, flew back to zurick and back here to my home away from home, malaga españa. And thats that! Hope you have enjoyed this post as much as i enjoyed experiencing it and writing about it! Until next time, which will be cordoba next week sometime,see ya later!